As I sit here at my desk typing, I cant help but think about the last time I was logged in here, attempting to write something profound. I was full of ideas, goals, and plans. That was nearly 3 years ago. Like so many things in my life, this blog was another idea that sent me soaring through the sky with excitement and future plans but ultimately I found myself descending from the stars and crashing into earth, having come nowhere near my goals.
Every year when it was time to renew my domain name, my husband would every so gently push me on what my plans were with this site, hinting that maybe this money could be better used elsewhere if year after year it was going to sit. And sit. And sit. Collecting virtual dust. And every year I would reply with the same snippy response: “No! I already have blog ideas in my head and THIS is the year I’m going to write!” Clearly a touchy subject for me, he would lovingly oblige and pay the invoice accompanied with words of encouragement but also a suggestion that this is the last year. If nothing happens, next year we have to cancel the account. I hated this time of year because it meant that I had to actually confront the fact that I was lacking follow-through and direction. I always vaguely knew what I wanted to do and every time I saved another picture from social media to my “blog inspiration” folder I was fooling myself into thinking that I was gaining momentum towards action. But domain renewal time forced me to acknowledge that I had taken not one single step towards accomplishing whatever it was I wanted to accomplish.
My first excuse following the creation of this site was the discovery that my daughter has a very rare genetic disorder. As we embarked on the emotional rollercoaster of neurologists, EEGs, geneticists, genetic testing, seizure medication, speech therapy, and physical therapy, I found myself in a place of such immense sadness that I couldn’t even begin to think about something as trivial as this blog. And in all fairness, this was not really so much an excuse as a life altering event that put most of our plans on hold.
Once we found a stable mental and emotional space with our oldest daughter, I kept finding more excuses. Today, I decided that I am tired of making excuses for myself and that everyone, no matter who they are, has to start somewhere. I am not an “influencer” or a “blogger.” I really don’t know what I am. All I know is that there are so many things that bring me joy and if I can share those things to bring joy to other people, then I have accomplished something meaningful.
Over the course of this journey, I hope to share my experience with having a special needs daughter, my experience as a twin mom, my love for fashion, cooking, spirituality, beauty products, and so much more. We all could always use some more love in our lives so my hope is to bring a little love to even just once person’s life.
Love,
Natalie
